No.
No No No No No.
No.
You can't like him.
Well, I don't like him...I just...I'm just curious is all. I just want to see what he is like...I just want a taste.
No.
No No No No No.
No.
You can't want him.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Delicious Toxins
Yummmmmmmm
MMMMMMMMM
DELICIOUS
The thought of it in my mouth makes me salivate...nothing can compare to the enormous pleasure I get from it. Oral fixation, oral gratification....goodies oh those goodies....
Yes its better than sex. It is more comforting than his touch...than his embrace...because food, food is always there when I need it.
Food was my first love.
And you never forget your first love.
And you never let go....
I am not sure when or how it happened but food filled the void. When was the first void?
When my dad was never home. Growing up, the only way to guide him back home was through my appetite.
"Papi, I'm hungry."
And from the end of the earths he would reach my door, McDonalds in hand.
When I did poorly on an exam or had a social dispute over my weight...My mom brought me McDonalds and candy.
When I had my first crush and he did not like me, My mom took me to see the only thing that never judged me, that always loved me, the only thing that knew how to love me the way i needed, the way i craved, the way no one will ever love me.
When I had my first boyfriend and consequently and inevitably my first heartbreak, it was indulgences that healed my heart.
And when I was lonely and bored...it was food that was always there to accompany me. Food never ditches me. He is never too busy for me...
When I want to numb myself from the heartache and stress of my daily life....when I want to punish myself for wanting so badly to have a man to love, punish myself for shopping too much, for being self absorbed and egotistic...punishing myself for allowing myself to be caught in empty relationships and allowing myself to use and be used and god settling for less when it leaves me so drained every time.
How is it that something that loves me so much, that is always there for me....hurt me so much?
Food is like the men I have known all my life. He is there momentarily for instant gratification and when he is gone, the consequences of a full stomach and an empty heart weighs heavily on me. It is like eating a bag rocks that sit at the pit of your stomach like an anchor.
I can't move.
MMMMMMMMM
DELICIOUS
The thought of it in my mouth makes me salivate...nothing can compare to the enormous pleasure I get from it. Oral fixation, oral gratification....goodies oh those goodies....
Yes its better than sex. It is more comforting than his touch...than his embrace...because food, food is always there when I need it.
Food was my first love.
And you never forget your first love.
And you never let go....
I am not sure when or how it happened but food filled the void. When was the first void?
When my dad was never home. Growing up, the only way to guide him back home was through my appetite.
"Papi, I'm hungry."
And from the end of the earths he would reach my door, McDonalds in hand.
When I did poorly on an exam or had a social dispute over my weight...My mom brought me McDonalds and candy.
When I had my first crush and he did not like me, My mom took me to see the only thing that never judged me, that always loved me, the only thing that knew how to love me the way i needed, the way i craved, the way no one will ever love me.
When I had my first boyfriend and consequently and inevitably my first heartbreak, it was indulgences that healed my heart.
And when I was lonely and bored...it was food that was always there to accompany me. Food never ditches me. He is never too busy for me...
When I want to numb myself from the heartache and stress of my daily life....when I want to punish myself for wanting so badly to have a man to love, punish myself for shopping too much, for being self absorbed and egotistic...punishing myself for allowing myself to be caught in empty relationships and allowing myself to use and be used and god settling for less when it leaves me so drained every time.
How is it that something that loves me so much, that is always there for me....hurt me so much?
Food is like the men I have known all my life. He is there momentarily for instant gratification and when he is gone, the consequences of a full stomach and an empty heart weighs heavily on me. It is like eating a bag rocks that sit at the pit of your stomach like an anchor.
I can't move.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
SOMETIMES LOVE...
For the past several months I sang "I don't need no love in my life!" I was convinced that cupid could only be a fallen angel, a messenger of the devil, the keeper of all things that break your spirit. How could cupid possibly be a creation of god when sometimes love gets you down? Love has beaten me so often that I could never possibly believe in it again. But love is like giving birth....when you experience it you promise you'll never go through that pain ever again....but time passes and you just forget the pain. You can't possibly fathom how much it truly hurts but then again love comes like an unplanned pregnancy and there you are again vomiting every morning and taking huge iron pills and getting wet nipples and wanting to just die as you push this 6-9 pound creature out of your vag! what the hell! I ripped the hell out of of my vag again!
This new guy has cupid on my ass! and I'm already finding myself vomiting in the morning.
I'm love sick
am I love sick.
This new guy has cupid on my ass! and I'm already finding myself vomiting in the morning.
I'm love sick
am I love sick.
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