TRYING TO HoLd on.............

It seems that the harder you try to hold on...the further from grace you fall.



















I don't know why it is that the more positive I want to be, the more negative I become.
And the better person I want to be, the worse person I become.
and the less I try to cry, the easier my tears flow.

I wish that life and love and relationships had a manual to them...that someone would tell me how to love my father better and how to appreciate my mother more. I wish that someone would teach me how to help my sister more and communicate with my brother a little better. I want someone to remind me to call my nieces and tell them I love them and visit my nephew and open my heart to him just once. And explain to me how to be more selfless, less narcissistic...to quit the habit of self destruction and self loathing while simultaneously hurting everyone I love, murdering everyone around me. I need someone to tell me the secret to healing a broken soul and mending a broken heart. And maybe, just maybe reveal the guidelines to becoming a better friend, a better lover, a better person, a better me.

But no one has those answers, but me, not even me, no one has those answers.

So I continue to fall from grace.