THE RETURN TO NORMALCY

Maybe it was because yesterday I decided to dress in 1950's fashion, with a poodle a-line skirt with teal, gold and orange flowers stemming from the bottom, teal belt to create an empire waist illusion and a teal blouse, pearls, hair rolled up intersecting into a bun. I felt like a desperate housewife from the leave it to beaver sitcom living the American dream of white Pickett fences in suicidal suburbia and Pleasantville and wanting so bad to be in color when i haven't evolved that far yet, haven't advanced and still stuck in black and white....

Color me

Color me

Color me

I want to color.

in the lines.

out of the lines.

To know what life in technicolor feels like...to know what I really look like. Who I really am.

Yes, it must have been this very reason that I decided to reject this return to normalcy andFordism assembly lines and recycled lives...I don't want to recycle my days...I want newness everyday.

Last night was a very difficult one for me, given I had to reevaluate the recycled waste my life has become. After self-loathing and self-annihilation, I woke up with great ideas in mind. No matter how distant goals may seem, how uncertain you are about the things you want, you have to fight for them. Progress is a series of small movements that lead to full, big colored picture. If innovators were too scared or too lazy or too unsure about color...we would still see the world through black and white lenses. I just can't allow myself to exist in such a limited medium. Imagine all the colors that exist today...even just in a crayola crayon box...

The other day I colored with my nephew and our painted worlds had scarlet, and asparagus, and mac and cheese, and shocking pink, and forest green, and just classic pink and blue, but also indigo and exotic shades of the regular mundane tones. I want to be black and white and classic sometimes, but I need the option, the variation to be brick red and salmon...sometimes I just need to be salmon...

Today I started to color my life.

And I can be found somewhere over the rainbow.